Oh Dear

This week was typical. Love, laughter, pain, sorrow, no time, frustration, sweet moments, God at work. I can't stop thinking about life though. This week I have been faced with life at its worst and best. I have been inspired by people I know, and brought to tears by strangers. I am one of those people who doesn't just float thru life happy and content. I am always thinking about ways to better myself and my circumstances, but very rarely do I have the courage to actually do what I want at the risk of feeling or sounding selfish. I am annoyingly aware of other peoples sufferings and tend to focus way to much attention on what I can't do about it, when I need to focus on what I AM doing about it. I tend to want to create peace and if that means sacraficing my own happiness so everyone else will be happy, I do it. All women do. But the forces of nature are calling to me, or maybe its the fact that this is the year I will be turning 30, whatever. I have recently come to the frighteneing conclusion that life is insanely short. There is just no logial reason to sit back and make everyone happy but yourself. I am starting to now be aware of what really makes me happy and I am gradually gaining the confidence to vocalize it. I have spent almost 2 years of my life obsessing over being the best teacher and in the mean time have been a less than good mother, wife, and friend. This week was the week for change. God was screaming at me all week. My family comes 1st. My Masters degree can wait. A big house does NOT make you happy, and there is nothing more important than love (I love you Eric). A nice bottle of wine can help, but a long run and a conversation with God can HEAL. There is no way in one blog to explain what happens in a persons life in a week, or even a day. But in all that this week, and every week brings.....I can say that sometimes I just have no words. Sometimes I have too many words. And sometimes I just want to keep everything I have learned to myself, and be so greatful for what I have, what I know, what I will learn, and most of all, for the love that surrounds me when I just can't handle life. After all, life is the business of love. Without it, there would be no point.

The best part of my week was going to the park with my kids. I wish Eric could have been there but work is taking everything out of him. Regardless, it was a brief moment of pure joy to see my precious little babies playing happily in their world. They have no idea how lucky they are to be kids. I attached a few pics from that day. When I look at them I just can't help but to stop and thank God for giving me such amazing joy through them. I wish I had more time to recognize that joy on a daily basis. That is the sadness of every working mother.

I would like to thank all of my MANY parents for coming to Kaitlin's game. I really can't believe how many parents I have. No one should be so lucky to have so many people love them and care for them. Anyway- Kaitlin is SO LUCKY to have so many grandparents support her and fight traffic and busy schedules to watch her play ball.