do you ever feel like life is going so fast that it is hard to really enjoy it while it is happening? i feel that way all the time. i was recently putting some pictures that i found back in old albums and i started looking back on my life. i went through all 29 years of my life in a few hours time. what was cool is that i got to re-live my joys all over again. i couldn't help but wonder though.... was i really enjoying all of those times while they were happening, or was i too busy worrying about the future? did i really know how lucky i was (am), or was I in a place where i was always focusing on what i wanted, rather than what i had?
i knew the answer to my own question as i was asking myself, and i broke my heart.
it was in that little 3 hour experience that i realized i am not really living my life. i'm rushing through it, looking foward at what is to come, what i want to happen, what i can't wait to buy, or a place i can't wait to go. i am always thinking about the furture, planning things in my head as if i am the one in control. i've decide to change that. i refuse to be 40, sitting in my living room, looking back on photo albums of the last 10 years of my life thinking...where did it go? or, did i enjoy it while it was happening? i want to know that the answer to that question is yes, i enjoyed every stinkin minute...even the crummy ones.
the last few days have been awesome. i have been living every day as it comes. i'm taking in all in, slowing down, and living in the moment. i'm not worrying about the future or getting irritated with people because they are not doing what i want them to do, i'm just living. it feels so good, and i can't believe how much it changes life when you are truly living it WHILE IT IS HAPPENING instead of always waiting for something to happen, and missing the good stuff. it makes me wish i had always lived this way, but i won't go there. i'm just going to be glad i figured out this little treasure now, and not 20 years from now.
we went bowling today, and i thouroughly enjoyed my family. kaitlin was mad (pouting actually)because she wasn't winning (it's genetic, she truly can't help it), jack was literally on the floor screaming because he was out of money and wanted to play more video games. eric was taking his score way too seriously (again, genetics). but there i was, really enjoying them. i know the kids will be grown before i know it, and i just want to treasure every moment with them before they move out and eric and i are alone in disbelief that our children are grown and we didn't enjoy it like we should have.
i'm feeling really blessed of late and i just wanted to share what's been on my mind. i wonder...how many of us humans are really living our lives in the moment? how many people are just like me...always thinking and planning and stressing and not really taking it all in and enjoying what is happening in our lives because we are busy making other plans. it's so true...life is what happens while we are making other plans.
just a thought.
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