some truth, and some rambling

I am honestly on this computer right now trying to avoid Jack. He has been down right terrible today. I know, I know, that is not something that a good mother says. But I like honesty. I am not your typical blogger, I am a family blogger, and we are a different breed. I am on here to write about my life as a married woman, and a working mother raising two children. And despite the photo shopped pictures and adorable stories.....my life is just like everyone else's. And sometimes, it just.ain't.pretty. So the question is.......can I be honest here?

No, I am not going to air my dirty laundry here, but occasionally I need to write some stuff on here that may not paint the picture perfect reality that I sometimes accidentally paint. I read many blogs, and what I don't want out of my blog is to paint any pretend pictures of what my life looks like. Now it's a double edge sword though...because I want to capture the BEST parts of our family life on here, and I don't want this to be a place where I vent my frustrations. Nope....this is not the place for that. But I do want to make sure that anyone who reads this knows one thing about me......I am flawed, and so is my life. And if I accidentally post nothing but cute pictures of my children on here followed by even cuter stories, that is just me trying to focus on the positive. But since I feel like I have a very intimate group of readers made up of my very closest friends and family, and a few people in Europe that I don't know.....I feel this is a place where I can occasionally blog about the realities of parenting, marriage, and life. Keep reading.

Do you see these pretty pictures? Wouldn't it be totally "Blogger-ish" of me to go into the story of these photos from a cheerful stand point? Yep, it would. I could talk about how cute is was that Eric was doing yard work and that Jack followed in his daddy's foot steps and dug his own hole.....trying to be just like his ole man. I could point out the beautiful berries that we found in our yard today while working in our "garden". But I'm not gunna. Here's the truth about these pictures.....just for the sake of being honest.......

#1This is not a garden you see in the photo above, it's a pile of weeds 40 yards long in our back yard that grows faster than a chia pet on crack. I know. Shocking.

#2Those beautiful berries in the picture below are poisonous.

#3This is the first time Eric has ever done work in our yard. We've lived here for 2 years.

#4If this photo has sound, you would hear Jack whining. Incessantly. All.Day.Long.

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But don' they look pretty? And don't I look like I have mad photoshop skills to make this photo look so cool? Nope. This was one button in flickr. It's called cinema. And remember, they are poisonous. And I found them in my weed filled back yard....while Jack was whining, and Eric was doing yard work for the very first time in our 2 year old home. And as I am tying this very long blog post, my husband is giving me his version of a guilt trip for being on the computer too long, and my kids have each had several of their own meltdowns as well. This is reality. And I wouldn't have it any other way....well, minus a few small changes, like endless money and time.

SO....If I go back to posting beautifully photshopped pictures of my cute children, followed by even cuter stories of their cuteness....please forgive me. I'm just trying to focus on the positive, which is what I have to do to stay sane. But if I occasionally feel like blogging about reality, well then, I will. And if you do not want to read about it, click the X in the top right corner. And today, my reality is this.

I'm sick of rain. Jack is driving everyone crazy with his whining (he is still getting over a fever, he can't even help it). I accomplished nothing on my to do list all week. I'm tired of working so hard and never having extra money to enjoy. I am tired of being weak, and never fighting for what I want, because when I do fight for what I want, I can't handle the guilt of who that may dissapoint. I hate being a working mother. I love teaching....but I hate what it does to my family. I live in guilt for not being able to be the best mother I can be, because I am too busy and tired all the time. I am SICK of forgetting things. I am sick of feeling guilty about everything that I continue to fail at or fall short in. And if Kaitlin asks me to buy her one more thing I might scream. And yes, I feel guilty for not being able to buy her what she wants when I work so hard trying!

But in light of possibly looking like a whiny negative complainer.......here's the bright side that I can always find. We are alive. We are all healthy. Our home is not flooded. We can pay our bills. And we have a lot of love around us. AMEN.

Now.....onto the DAWGS. FYI: Kaitlin does live here still. I took some photos of her today while we sat on the porch in the rain and they are beautiful. I will post them tomorrow. Can you tell she has been with Mama all week by the lask of her presense on here? Thank you Mama.....you've taken good care of her.:)